hujan ku..

so guys..
gw lgi stress banget gara2 kejadian kemareeen. duh cuyy semuanya menumpuk dalam satu hari.. ergh rasanya.. campur aduk banget pengen nangis tp berhubung ga ada orang yg bakal meluk gw pas gw nangis, gw hanya menitikan beberapa tetes saja kemarin..

i was on my way to German embassy with my Dad, he was going to his office. i was sooo sleepy, you know my habits, i studied until 2.30 am. i was sooo sleepy, i didnt get much sleep, it was only 3 hours. and my hair was freaking annoying, i was hungry. i slept in the car, my dad tried to wake me up for several times. but i couldnt hold my eyes, so i slept again and again.

at first i didnt want to tell him, until i couldnt hold it much longer. i told him i studied until morning, and he got super angry.
"baru segitu aja udah kayak gini mentalmu? lawanmu itu dari seluruh dunia di jerman sana. tidur 3 jam ga ada apa2nya sama mereka! kau baru segini aja udh kayak ayam sayur!"

gw adalah orang yg ga bisa jawabin orang tua gw. i kept quiet until he let that one sentence  out.
i kept quiet.
bukan! bukan gara2 gw ga bisa jawab.
i was suffocated. like asthma. but this one wasnt because of my bronchial.
for some seconds, i could feel my heart beat on my head. it's called blood rush i guess.
gw coba bernapas. ugh. sesek banget. dan mulai muncul gambar2 diotak gw, dimana gw ga lanjut kuliah.itu bener2. sesek. banget.

gw turun di deket ratu plaza, dri situ gw jalan. gw ga nunjukin ke bokap sama sekali kl gw stress atas apa yg dia bilang. ga! gw udh gede, mental sama pride gw menolak untuk menunjukan bahwa gw patah.
begitu mobil dia menjauh, rasanya kaki gw lemes banget. gw jalan cepet2 ke salah satu tempat duduk di pinggir situ.
oke. bernapas. gw cepet2 bbm vera. i really needed a grip.
pas udh agak tenang baru deh jalan ke german embassy. gila kaki gemetaran banget banget.gw berusaha semaksimal mungkin spy ga ada yg sadar gw gemetaran.
setiap tutup mata, rasanya kalimat bokap gw terngiang2 di kepala gw. pusing. pusing.

setelah selesai gw jalan keliling itu bunderan HI, gw ke gramedia plaza indonesia. itu salah satu toko buku favorit gw selain PIM. ada satu spot dilantai 2 nya yg gw suka banget. gw bawa komik, duduk di situ.gw berusaha baca komik2 itu, ga bisa, ga ada yang masuk. gw buka hape dan nulis di blog gw.

http://michelleginting.blogspot.com/2012/05/i-sit-alone.html
(kalo mau tau tentang kalimat dr bokap gw itu)

ga lama hujan datang. dari jendela gramed PI yang bener2 gede, gw bisa liat hujan. you guys know i really love rain. kali ini rasanya gw pengen meluk si hujan.

makasih.
makasih udh nangis segede itu, disaat gw yang bahkan untuk nangis aja ga berani. ga kuat. gw takut jebol, takut rompal, ditengah2 strangers dan bukan sahabat gw.
makasih hujan..