A safe space?

23 December 2013

I have the urge to write so bad and when I couldn't open my tumblr to pour down all my thoughts it was blocked. So I came here, one of the safest place to be with you guys and within this blog.
I have been through different things this past time, I bet you guys do too. I believe we all have our ups and down and since we can't hang out like we use to I would like to tell you guys a short story of this past few months.

This is a safe space right? I am hoping this will only stay between us okay...

I have lost Oma. I thought I will be fine but I miss her a lot. Yesterday my aunt told me that my cousin Ciki and Mba Rini got visited by Oma in their dreams. I feel a bit left out, am I not connected to her? Have I been a bad granddaughter that she doesn't want to see me?

My mother is in Jakarta but sadly she will be back to Columbia tomorrow on Christmas Eve and I will be accompanying her to the airport. She came in the right time, when I got sick and when I needed to support for my dreams to London and when I need someone that believes in me. But alas,  I will be without her and I am scared that I will be as lost as I once were when she and dad left me 2 years ago.

This one is a bit frustrating, as you all know I have met a guy and its been 2 months and I don't feel that connected to him. He did made me forget about my previous one but I feel completely the same and mute. Yeah you right, gue ga bersyukur disini... But I am mostly unhappy. I guess long distance is not for everybody. Its certainly not for me. Even when I am in the same city as him I feel disconnected as ever.

What do you guys think? Gue butuh nasehat, saran, butuh dengar suara kalian, butuh dengar ketawa kalian. In general I need you guys right now.